Jezebel(Another Tall Tale from a Small Man)

Oh Baby...
You used to be my Leading Lady. It looked like you were #2, but when it was just me and you, we didn't care about numbers...u felt like u were #1. I felt like u were too, so I did what I thought was right, not once but twice...but the third time? I strucc out in the 9th and lost the game...so things changed. But damn baby, you were my Leading Lady. U were #1 and I put no one before you...at a time. For a time, u were mine and I was just yours, we were just us, we got ours...and nothing could change that. Or so we thought. There were times we fought and I thought that if u had a knife, u would have taken my life...u would have taken everything that was right and thrown it all away, over one night...that's not right. But it takes two to tango and I didn't know how to handle the dance, so I took a chance.
I locked the door and sat on the floor and let you abuse me, verbally at least...who knows what would have happened if you had hit me, I woulda broke you into more then just two pieces, at least that's what I...thought. But we didn't fight that bad, it never got that ugly, luckily for us, we never lost touch of what WAS important...Our Love.
Baby, do you understand you had me and I would have gladly broken any other man into two over you? I don't care if he was the King of Queens, Harlem, or straight up 50. If he had hurt you, I woulda found a way to slaughter him, went to jail for life for protecting the woman I THOUGHT would have been my wife. I would have thrown away my own life, foolishly...for ya Love. For the Love I thought we shared, for the feelings we shared, for the things I believed were there, only to hear that you don't believe that I Love you?
"God can't even save you."
That's what I remember hearing, even if you don't remember saying it, that hit home for me. That let me see that perhaps, maybe...you weren't the one for me...at all. For real, even after you stood with me in the darkness, even after you berated me because you didn't believe I could harness the power that is in me...because I left you in the dark? Because I locked the door and said fucc it, If I'ma die, let it be tonight, just understand I'm not going down without a fight? Is that why you cry at night? For fear that I may...die? For fear that I may not be the man I used to be?
Or baby, do you cry cause you can no longer see me? Is it because I believe we aren't meant to be anymore? Shit, it was dark and cold in that room and I was alone, without a phone, without a friend or a foe, a bitch or a hoe to call...My own? I'll go back to my dark box, go back to where it all starts and let them tear me apart again because I'm not scared of them...I was scared of losing You. I was scared of somebody laying a hand on you and me doing what I felt like I had to do...Protect You.
Oh baby, I made moves for blocks just to stop somebody...ANYBODY, from laying a hand on you...and all I ended up doing was looking like a fool while you stood there so cool and told me not to run again...cause you believe your faster then me? Like I ain't run track, at least for a lil bit, not saying I'm the fastest, but I damn sure ain't slow...unless you wanted me to take my time. And you didn't believe I loved you?
Oh Jezebel baby, you were my Leading Lady, but you lost ya lead and I feel the need to letchu kno again, you can't win. You could fight all you want, flaunt whateva you want, shit on me however nasty it may be, but you can't defeat me. Why? I won't lose. Why? I won't cry...So why did I stay up all those nights? Why is it hard for you and me to sleep? We got used to sleeping together, eating together, playing together, doing whatever...Every Fucking Night. But am I mad? No. Am I sad? No. Why? Cause I let it go...I swallowed another shot straight to the heart and it tore me apart for sometime but now...I'm fine.
So what's my strength? How am I able to turn something into nothing and move past it so fast that it hurts you? Because Jezebel...I loved you and you hate me for it. Because you hate me, it makes it easier for me to speed through life and not think TWICE about what I once did...because you don't believe I loved you? You don't believe I would have given all of me just to make sure you were ok? Just to make sure u were safe?
I woke up one morning to find you standing there and I was scared, I feared that perhaps it was a nightmare and you were there to kill me...again. But your not here to kill me, your here to love me forever right? Your here to fight for the love that's yours right? Wrong. Your hurting and I'm hurting, but I'm stronger then the pain, this shot hit me in the heart and in the brain cause honestly...I have changed. I swallowed even more pain, suffered more losses over this love that was ours and for hours, I sat and wondered...Why? Why'd I break my own heart at least 3 times just to find out that I'm still without a Dream Queen? Just to find out that my Fantasies are not real and my Reality can not come to grips with what happened in the Past...so why try? Why swallow anymore bullets when I could just pull the trigger and put myself outta Misery?
Cuz Jezebel...I'm stronger then this spell...I'm stronger then you think. You hate me and I can't say I love it, but your not indifferent towards me...but I can be towards you, so is that whatchu want me to do? Just say Fucc u and keep it moving? Call you a bitch and tell you I no longer itch with Lovebugs, that I'm free of fleas? That we are free of disease and hopefully, free of each other...forever? If so, we have no choice but to coexist but I have one wish...you stay on ya side and I'll stay on mine, just don't cross the line that marks my territory cause it may get gory? I may turn truculent like the Notorious one? I'm stronger then that too, I'll never hurt you anymore then we already did, I'll never cross That line and break MY heart anymore...I'm not willing to die for you anymore.
Oh Jezebel..."Together forever." You said God can't even save me...He already did I believe...at least one time, maybe I'll be lucky enough to catch His grace again for another sin, but if not? If my soul is to burn in Hell, best believe I'll see you there...cause we are "Together Forever" Jezebel.
"Heartless?" To say that I'm heartless is NONSENSE, I just don't wear it on my sleeve...it doesn't match my outfit...it's played out now, to me at least....so my mind's at ease. My Queen will find my heart is in my chest, located on My breast...where she can lay her head and hear my heart beat. Just in case my soul is cold, She'll find a way to hold me and warm it, the same way You used to...the same way you won't again.
So Heaven or Hell, Jezebel? Where should we meet again? Where it's hot or where it's cooler? Should we smoke or should we drink or should I think that neither is possible, wherever my soul's to go? I don't know all the answers, so I'm asking you the question cause perhaps you know, better then me....what should we eat? Food or men like starving lions in a den? Either way, I'll end up with my share and still share what's left with you, cause that's how I do. But u don't care, not even if I share, cause I shared my Heart and you don't believe I Loved you so perhaps I should jus say Fucc u...Goodbye. Nah, that's not right.
Jezebel...
I loved you, Good Night.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered...do you get the message? Cause I do...and I'm gone. So Long!


Peace...signed by Me on the strength of Our LOVE And Your Hate.
R. $olo